I filmed this two summers ago when I was in the fullness of my music life. And I look back at this now, often with tears, because it chronicles so much of my music journey. These seven songs span five of the years of myself chasing after my music dreams and giving it my all. And even though that door closed, and many tears were shed, I can look back on this and smile too. Because even though I can’t play like that anymore — not two hours a day, not professionally, I can still play with that passion for my Savior. It’s all for Him and it’s always going to be, and no matter whether I lose the health or the technique or the career, I never have to lose the heart that made me love it in the first place.
Thank You, LORD, for music and the way You have used it to reveal Yourself to me all throughout my life. Thank You for giving me an outlet to use to praise You. May Your praise ever be on my lips for now and forever, Amen.
“Lift your hands, lift your eyes, in the storm is where you’ll find Me. And where you are, I’ll hold your heart, I’ll hold your heart.”
This song first pierced my heart when I was battling through mono my junior year. I had no strength left to do anything that I wanted to do or thought I was supposed to do. I had to learn to release all the expectations, all the standards, and just be held. To know that His grace was more than sufficient for exactly what I was supposed to do, and He didn’t expect anything more from me than surrender to Him. No perfect grades, No perfect looks, nothing. Just trust.
I told my best friend just last week, “The times when I have felt very closest to God, when I have felt His presence the most have been some of the hardest days of my life. The days when I had nothing left but Him.” This week, God has been reminding me of that lesson that I have to learn time and time again. To fall on Him and nothing else. Sometimes He has to knock me flat on my back to get my attention, and as much as it hurts, it is always worth it. Because afterwards, He always picks me up and lets me just be held for a while.