The Heart of Worship

“When the music fades and all has slipped away and I simply come… Longing just to bring something that’s of worth, that will bless Your heart. I bring You more than a song — for a song in itself is not what You have required. You search much deeper within through the way things appear, You’re looking into my heart.”
“You always smile while you worship! How are you so joyful?”
I’ve spent three years worshipping in front of people on a stage. It’s my job to model worship. To model joy. And yet sometimes, that is the furthest from what I feel like doing. 
There are days when I don’t feel like worshipping. When I feel full of negativity and apathy rather than joy. When I feel fake to get up there on a stage with a smile on my face as if my life is all together. 
But that’s the wrong attitude. Worship isn’t me putting on a show for anyone. Worship is me making an offering to God. And sometimes that offering is small and weak. Sometimes I don’t have much in me to give, but worshipping anyway invites the power of God to come and be present. 
When I start running my fingers along the keys and singing the words I know in the bottom of my heart, it may start off being forced. It may be ritualistic and void of emotion. But God never lets it stay that way for long. When I let myself stop and dwell on Him, He shows up. Not always in a mighty, rushing wind. Not always in the way I want. But even on the hardest days, I am reminded of the old precious hymn, “Great is Thy Faithfulness, LORD unto thee”
God has never stopped being faithful. I don’t always feel emotion when I start worshipping, but worship isn’t emotion anyway. It’s my heart before God. Just as I am — hurting or rejoicing, weak or strong. God has blessed me with the gift of worship. To invite Him to meet with me there. And He always does.